Where Are You From?

I am not sure when it hit me exactly, but at some point I realized that my path in life can be charted by the way I answer a simple question: Where are you from? A simple piece of information, and yet, at the same time, extraordinarily complex and ever changing. Let me explain. Back in 2008, as my senior year of high school wrapped up, the only thing anyone seemed to want to know was “where are you headed next year?”. Up until that point my identity had been firmly entrenched in Ashland and all it held, I knew nothing else. But in front of me was something else, a new place to call “home” for four years. Those last precious months of youth can therefore be understood through my answer to the question “where are you going?”. My answer, as you know, was “Gonzaga University, in Spokane Washington.” Spokane was a nebulous place, somewhere I didn’t know, but nonetheless it was my future. Just as the favorite question at the end of high school was “where are you headed next year?” my first year at Gonzaga was characterized by another popular question: “Where are you from?” After asking someone’s name this was usually the follow up question. And so my identity became “Ashland, it’s in Oregon” often followed by “no it’s not outside of Portland”. The person I was had shifted, just as the answer to the question had shifted. This shift lasted until I stepped off the plane in a completely foreign and strange place: Buenos Aires, Argentina. Suddenly the way I answered a simple question became anything but simple. It is a relatively easy question in Spanish, something that everyone learns in 101, but it represented something new and different to me. Now I answered that I was from “Oregon, north of California”. It was the only way people would know where on earth Oregon was (literally). It also represented how my horizons were broadening. I went from an abstract, future place of residence, “Spokane, WA” to explaining where Ashland, Oregon was to finally just explaining where Oregon was. My answer was evolving just as my place in the world was evolving. I thought that this would be the end of this little revelation, a cool little anecdote to bore people with. I quickly came to realize that this was not the case. Starting around December of my last year at Gonzaga I started to get the all too familiar “so what are your plans next year?” shtick. This again, really? I have come to realize how much an evolution has taken place from the first version of this question to the newest. The biggest part? For the first time in my life I have no clue. Not a freaking idea. And it scares me to death. For 22 years of my life I have had everything planned out. I knew where I would be the next day, the next week, the next year. Going into college was scary but it was still a plan. I knew where I would be for four years and mostly what I would be doing. Now? Nada. I realized that I would not know how to answer the question “where are you from?” if you asked me today. The easy answer would be to say Ashland, but I don’t think that is true anymore. Ashland will forever be “where I am from originally,” but I don’t think that it is where I am from right now. Right now that question can only be answered with a giant question mark.

I am at a unique juncture in life where, for various reasons, I am completely unencumbered. The more I look at it, the more I realize just how special it is. My parents blessed me with the greatest gift a recent graduate can receive, no debt. In fact, it may be one of the greatest gifts anyone can receive. That is something I will never be able to thank them enough for. My friends are off doing their own things: internships, jobs, more school. What I am left with is something that I have never experienced before in my life: myself and only myself. I have no obligations, nothing holding me down or tying me to some place. This isn’t to say that I do not have support. Far from it. If you are reading this then you are likely one of the numerous and incredible people in my life that supports me and helps me in all that I do. No, what I mean to say is that there is nothing ahead of me but what I want. It is at once the most exciting and scariest feeling of my entire life, often leaning more towards scary. But you know what else was scary? Argentina. And that turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. So don’t worry, I have faith.

As I stand on this doorstep to a new chapter in my life, I realize just how lucky I am, I realize how perfectly everything leading up to this moment has worked out. It hasn’t all been easy. In fact, much of it has been extremely difficult. But I am so blessed to be where I am because it gives me the wonderful opportunity to go out and really truly find out who Andrew is and what he wants in the world. The questions still stands in front of me, “where are you from?” Now, however, it no longer is simply a question of location. It isn’t asking me what city or state I live in. Instead it is asking me where in the world am I? What is my place in the world? Sound a little over the top and hokey pokey? Maybe. But if you look at your own life I think you might realize that there was a time in your life where you had to discover the same thing. If not, maybe it is still ahead of you. All I know is that there came a point recently when I realized that I had no idea who the heck Andrew was. It was the strangest thing in the world because I have always felt confident about who I am, what I stand for. And I still do. But there is a level of Andrew that I have not yet discovered and that is what this next journey is all about. I hope to discover what my true passions are, what it is in life that most fulfills me. I hope to discover some ambition, some sense of what I am meant to do with the array of skills I have been blessed with. Some people are able to find these things through religion, others just seem to know. For me, it is time to wander the world in search of my answers, completely unencumbered and free. I am not sure exactly where my wanderings will take me, but that is kind of the point. I just want to follow my heart wherever it may lead, taking the opportunities that are presented to me as they come, relishing in the moment. I don’t expect to learn all the answers to my questions, that is what the next 60, 70, maybe 80 years of my life are for. No, I’d love to just know the answers to a few.

This blog is meant to capture my wanderings. Mostly it is a way to share the experiences that I am having, and maybe to also shed some light on what I am finding and discovering. Writing is something that is really big for me. It is the best way I know of to fully capture and explain the thoughts and feelings running through my head. Words have always come easy to me and I enjoy writing tremendously. I also find it very healing and a wonderful way to fully internalize and process the world around me. Writing to myself is fun, but it is also fun to share with those around me, especially because it is often something I am really proud of. And so here you go, another blog where I get to talk about myself and wax poetic/spiritual. Another chance to make numerous inside jokes and references which 90% of my “audience” doesn’t understand. But I enjoy it, and that’s all that matters right? I do, however, hope you enjoy it as well, and if you don’t, I at least hope you’ll pretend to enjoy it when I am around. Feel free to share it or delete it, whatever your heart desires. This is my conversational piece with you and with myself. This is my journey and these are my stories.